This time of year is filled with family gatherings, and joy,
But for a Camarillo woman, it’s a painful reminder of what she lost. It’s the anniversary of when the love of her life— her husband—died.
"Joel died of pancreatic cancer just almost exactly two years ago," said Mari Ryan. She quit her job in Human Resources to take care of her husband as he went through rounds of chemotherapy. After an 18 month long battle, he slipped away.
Ryan said as hard as the fight was, she then found herself facing a new challenge.
"When you lose your spouse, you lose your life. A lot of people don't understand that everything you do involves your spouse," said Ryan. "All your plans, all your day to day...and then, all of a sudden, nothing."
The first year after her husband’s death was a haze. "It's more than just a blur. You're actually not able to function really well," said Ryan.
Ryan realized she needed help. "I was looking for some therapy help, and what I really wanted was a grief group." She connected with the Livingston Memorial Visiting Nurse Association & Hospice.
It offers a variety of services in Ventura County from hospice care to counseling, as well as support services for those who have lost loved ones.
The more than 75 year-old non-profit has a number of support services, ranging from those for parents who have lost a child to those had had a loved one who took their life.
In Ryan’s case, a support group for those who were widowed allowed her to connect with people dealing with the same types of feelings, and issues.
"It's the best thing I ever did," said Ryan. "I needed to find myself, and I also needed to speak with people who knew my suffering, and what I was going through, and that's probably the best thing about a grief group. It's like my tribe...everyone gets it."
The 69-year-old woman has two sons, but they aren’t local. She said what made things more difficult is in the last few years, she’s lost other relatives. She's gone to other specialized relief groups to help with those losses.
Ryan feels like she’s doing much better now, and credits the support group for making a big difference.
"I am doing relatively well, despite the tears," said Ryan. "I'm creating a new life for myself. I'm finding new things to do. I actually joined a travel group for widowed folks, and I'm going on a New Year's Eve cruise. I'm putting myself out there."
She’s now even volunteering for the nonprofit, running a group which helps those who are widowed become more self-sufficient.
Livingston Memorial is sponsoring a series of events to help people remember loved ones that they’ve lost.
The 40th annual “Light Up A Life” events will take place in Oxnard Friday night (5:30 at Heritage Square), followed by one in Camarillo Saturday afternoon (4:30 in Constitution Park), and the last one in Ventura next Wednesday (5:30 at Poinsettia Pavilion).
