Our society is geared towards couples. Pop culture thrives on stories about finding a mate. But, what if you are perfectly happy being single?
"I've been single my whole life...I'm 70 years old," said Bella DePaulo. "I've always been single, and I always will be. I love being single. It's a real positive thing.
DePaulo is a UC Santa Barbara social scientist. She said embracing being single is a concept which throws many people for a loop. She's with the Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences at UCSB. She’s written a book about the topic called Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life.
"It's not like some default, or something I'm stuck with because I could find the one," said DePaulo.
She said the problem is that just about everything out there about single people has this kind of grudging tone to it, like let me tell you how to be single until you find the one.
Her research includes information coming from surveys of more than 20,000 people in 100 countries, as well as data compiled from other social scientists.
DePaulo said many people treat those who are single as if they are facing a crisis, one which they say will soon end.
"It's not so bad to be single, it better to be single than to be in a bad romantic relationship," are some of the comments single people commonly get, according to the social scientist. "Well, that doesn't capture my experiences, or what I have discovered to be the experiences of so many people."
The researcher said where being single can be an issue, at least initially is when it happens to someone suddenly like through a death or breakup. It’s especially hard when their network of friends shrunk because they spent most of their time with that other person:
DePaulo said perhaps the biggest issue is how society is couple oriented. "Society is geared towards couples, and not just in the way people socialize, but also in the whole legal structure where if you are legally married, you suddenly have access to hundreds of benefits and protections that are not available to people who are not legally married."
The researcher said she’s gotten a huge response to articles she’s written, and the book. DePaulo says with society geared towards couples, she’s received a huge response from those who are single, and want to be single, feeling validated.
But, she said if you embrace being single, it can be fun. DePaulo said there’s a lot of freedom in being independent. She said it ranges from the way you decorate your home to what you eat, and where you vacation. You don't have to make compromises.
There’s apparently a lot of interest in the topic. A TedX talk by DePaulo in which she says marriage isn’t necessarily the key to happiness has received more than 1.7 million views, and counting.
DePaulo said the idea that single people are all sad and lonely, and just get sadder, and lonelier as they get older is a stereotype. She says it’s all about embracing single life.
