The Line Before

May 22, 2020

Jordan Klepper (The Daily Show) and Jenny Hagel (Late Night With Seth Meyers) complete iconic movie quotes.

Heard on: Hong Chau & Nico Santos: Superheros And Superstores.

Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Hey, everybody. This is Jonathan Coulton. I'm going to call my friend Ophira Eisenberg right now, see if she's around.

(SOUNDBITE OF BEEP)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Hello.

COULTON: (Playing guitar).

EISENBERG: No.

COULTON: Hi...

EISENBERG: No.

(SOUNDBITE OF PHONE HANGING UP)

COULTON: Hello. Hello. Got a little connection problem here, I think. Let me try her again. Probably bad Internet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BEEP)

EISENBERG: Hello.

COULTON: (Playing guitar). Yeah, right?

EISENBERG: I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready.

COULTON: No, it's time.

(SOUNDBITE OF PHONE HANGING UP)

COULTON: (Playing guitar) Hello. (Laughter) It's weird. She's really having trouble with the Internet today. I'll try one more time.

(SOUNDBITE OF BEEP)

EISENBERG: Hello.

COULTON: Ophira, I'm trying to play the ASK ME ANOTHER song so we can do an ASK ME ANOTHER show.

EISENBERG: Oh. OK.

COULTON: Just...

EISENBERG: All right. All right.

COULTON: Just let me get all the way through it. I think probably by the end, it's really going to cheer you up and put you in the mood for some ASK ME ANOTHER. That's what theme songs do.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) You're right.

COULTON: Here we go.

(Playing guitar) from NPR and WNYC, coming to you from our respective homes in beautiful Brooklyn, New York, it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and bi-weekly showers, ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton. Here is your reluctant host, Ophira Eisenberg.

EISENBERG: Hi.

COULTON: Hi, Ophira.

EISENBERG: Hi, Jonathan.

COULTON: How are you?

EISENBERG: You know...

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: I know.

EISENBERG: I feel like I've been - in the beginning, you're sort of seeing how everything feels. But at this point, I'm, like, oh, I'm eating like I'm a pregnant woman and drinking like I'm in college.

COULTON: (Laughter) Best of both worlds.

EISENBERG: Well, what it is, is that there's a fatigue, right? There's just a generalized fatigue. And there's...

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: ...Something that I'm coining Zoom zap.

COULTON: Zoom zap.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) It's when you're...

COULTON: What is Zoom zap?

EISENBERG: When you are zapped by Zoom.

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: You are...

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: Your energy gets zapped by Zoom.

COULTON: Right. All of your energy goes into a 15-minute Zoom call...

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: And that is all you can handle for the day Yeah. I'm familiar with...

EISENBERG: That's right.

COULTON: ...This.

EISENBERG: Oh, and just an aside, my 4-year-old, Lucas - you know, he has nobody to push up against or interact with other than us and...

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: ...And the people on the screen but in real life. So, you know, he is always pushing back. And sometimes, it is just too much - too much of the defiance. So I don't know if this is a good idea or a not good idea, but we created a yes chart.

COULTON: A yes chart...

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: I want to hear what this is.

EISENBERG: It's just a (laughter) chart of 20 squares...

COULTON: Uh-huh.

EISENBERG: ...That says yes chart.

COULTON: Uh-huh.

EISENBERG: And every time he agrees - every time he says yes...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: He gets a checkmark.

COULTON: (Laughter) That's really nice.

EISENBERG: And then when he reaches 20, you know, we'll do something fun. I don't know...

COULTON: Right. Right.

EISENBERG: ...What it is yet. I've got a long way...

COULTON: TBD.

EISENBERG: ...To go. Trust me.

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: But he doesn't really get - so so far, he's been, of course, finding ways around that. He's, like, ate a banana. And he was, like, I said yes to eating a banana. I'm, like, no, no, no. That's not (laughter)...

COULTON: No, no, no. It's not just any time you do anything that you want to do. It's when you say the yes to something that you don't want to do.

EISENBERG: That's right.

COULTON: Yeah. That's right. That's right. Well, you know, the charts are very helpful. We used to do a thing with our kids - we had such trouble getting them ready for school in the morning...

EISENBERG: Yes.

COULTON: And it was always, like, this screaming thing - it's, like, oh, where are your shoes? Get your shoes, you know? And we finally did this thing where you'd make a chart of, like, all the things that need to be done before you leave for school. And then when they're not doing it, you just point to the chart, and you're, like, it's not me, man. I'm not telling you to get your shoes.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) It's the chart.

COULTON: The chart says to get your shoes, so we have to do it. I'm sorry. And they're, like, oh, OK. (Laughter) Somehow, because it's not coming from you, they will accept the authority of a piece of paper, but they won't accept the authority of a parent.

EISENBERG: I - well, you know, the kid in two days has six yeses.

COULTON: That's a lot of yeses for a kid.

EISENBERG: That's a lot of yeses. And I said it's a good start. And so now he just keeps saying, six yeses is a good start, right, mom? Six yeses is a good start, right, mom?

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: I'm, like, that's a good start.

COULTON: And speaking of good starts, why don't we have a good start of our own...

EISENBERG: I say yes.

COULTON: ...Of the show, I mean? Yeah.

EISENBERG: I say yes and to you, Jonathan.

COULTON: Yes and...

EISENBERG: Because, you know...

COULTON: That's another yes.

EISENBERG: Yeah, yes it is.

COULTON: Now that's seven yeses.

EISENBERG: That's another yes (laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: That's right. It's a collective chart. It's a collective chart.

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: So we have a stack show this week. From HBO's "Watchmen" and the Amazon series "Homecoming," we're joined by actor Hong Chao. And in the latest installment of our series Quarantine Couples Sharing One Mic, we check in with "Superstore's" Nico Santos and "Survivor's" Zeke Smith. But first, we have some friends of mine and yours, "Late Night With Seth Meyers" writer and performer Jenny Hagel and "Daily Show" writer and host of "Klepper," Jordan Klepper. Let's do it.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: And as promised, joining us right now, we have Jordan Klepper and Jenny Hagel.

COULTON: Hello.

JENNY HAGEL: Hi.

EISENBERG: How are you guys doing?

HAGEL: Doing great - as well as you can be right now, right?

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: So who are you quarantining with, Jenny?

HAGEL: I'm quarantining with my partner, Liz (ph), and my son, who is 6. Liz has a very grown-up lady job, so she goes into one room all day...

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

HAGEL: ...And does Zoom calls where she says things like - she says business-y phrases...

(LAUGHTER)

HAGEL: ...Like, well, we'll have to see if the juice is worth the squeeze...

(LAUGHTER)

HAGEL: ...And, that's not what I'm solving for.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: Oh, wow.

HAGEL: What was it that she's - I mean, she says things that I've just never - it's like a side of her I've never seen before.

COULTON: Are you having that thing where you're, like, who are you? Like, is that...

HAGEL: A little...

COULTON: Because that...

HAGEL: It's, like, really impressive, though, because it's, like, very - like, she's, like, very confident, and she uses these business lady terms, and she uses them so, like, casually. Yeah. So it's kind of - I think it's kind of neat to see your partner do what they do because you...

COULTON: Yeah.

HAGEL: ...Hear about it, but it's kind of neat to watch your partner excel at what they do.

EISENBERG: Yeah. Jordan, who are you living with right now?

JORDAN KLEPPER: I am quarantined with my wife right now.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

KLEPPER: I like that Jenny is like, it's nice to see your partner day in and day out and see what they excel at. And that is not the experience my wife and I are having.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEPPER: Not at - we are watching each other disintegrate in front of each other's very eyes.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: What's happening?

KLEPPER: It feels like - I've talked to friends of mine who have been married. Like, last week was the week that, like, a lot of the initial explosions took place of, like...

EISENBERG: Right.

KLEPPER: ...Yelling at people for, like, you're closing the door too loudly. My wife thinks my voice is just too loud. And not like an incident of it being loud once, but, like...

COULTON: Just generally too loud.

KLEPPER: ...It's just too loud.

COULTON: Yeah.

KLEPPER: And so we had to - we were like, I don't think you fully mean that, but I think you also do because you've been in a room with me for the last month and a half.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

KLEPPER: But we're better at cooking. I think that's the one thing. We now know how to cook.

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: You guys want to play a game?

HAGEL: Yes.

KLEPPER: Yeah.

EISENBERG: I'm very excited about this game. OK, so first of all, you are going to be competing in this game. So we're going to go back and forth. This is an audio quiz about famous movie quotes. We're going to play the dialogue that comes right before a very famous movie quote, and you just have to jump in with the quote.

HAGEL: OK.

KLEPPER: Great.

EISENBERG: OK. And if you don't know it, just make something up, and it's possible you will still get credit. All right, Jenny, this one's for you.

HAGEL: OK.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "LETHAL WEAPON")

DANNY GLOVER: (As Roger Murtaugh) Gun. Gun.

GRAND BUSH: (As Boyette) Rog, meet your new partner.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I don't know if that's fair. I don't know if that clip is fair.

HAGEL: Oh. I feel - before we started this game, I felt like I'd seen some movies, but maybe I've...

EISENBERG: No.

HAGEL: ...Never seen one.

EISENBERG: No, you've definitely seen this. But maybe it was a long time ago.

HAGEL: OK.

KLEPPER: That's a classic Chicago blues lick. Like, they really leaned into...

COULTON: (Vocalizing, imitating guitar).

KLEPPER: ...That (vocalizing, imitating guitar).

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: OK. I'm going to walk you down a path here a little bit.

HAGEL: OK.

EISENBERG: Danny Glover.

HAGEL: OK. Is this a "Lethal Weapon" situation?

EISENBERG: Oh, yes.

HAGEL: OK.

EISENBERG: This is, I think, this character's well-known line that he says right after meeting...

HAGEL: Mel Gibson?

EISENBERG: ...The - yes, pre-problematic.

HAGEL: OK. So he - this is a thing he's going to say to Mel Gibson?

EISENBERG: Yes.

HAGEL: Got it. OK.

KLEPPER: Oh.

HAGEL: Let's try again.

KLEPPER: You got to get this.

EISENBERG: OK. Let's hear it again.

KLEPPER: You got to get this. This is a...

EISENBERG: Let's hear it again.

KLEPPER: Oh, you've got to get this, Jenny. Come on.

COULTON: (Laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "LETHAL WEAPON")

GLOVER: (As Roger Murtaugh) Gun. Gun.

BUSH: (As Boyette) Rog, meet your new partner.

(SOUNDBITE OF GUITAR RIFF)

HAGEL: Are you the guy from "Braveheart"?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That is - I mean, pretty much. Pretty much. That is the subtext.

KLEPPER: I'm actually a little disappointed you didn't know that, Jenny, because I do think, as a hack improviser for most of my life, movie references is an easy way to get at least a recognition laugh.

COULTON: (Laughter).

KLEPPER: And I'm getting too old for this [expletive] was an easy go to that I definitely - I must have done hundreds of times.

COULTON: Anytime you blank, you just say that. All right, Jordan, here's another one for you.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "MOONSTRUCK")

CHER: (As Loretta) I'm going to marry him. Do you hear me? Last night never happened. And I'm going to marry him. And you and I are going to take this to our coffins.

NICOLAS CAGE: (As Ronny) I can't do that.

CHER: (As Loretta) Why not?

CAGE: (As Ronny) I'm in love with you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SLAPPING)

KLEPPER: Snap out of it.

COULTON: Yeah. That's right.

KLEPPER: I'll have what she's having.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: That is from "Moonstruck."

KLEPPER: "Moonstruck," right?

COULTON: Yeah.

KLEPPER: There we go. Yeah, a Brooklyn-filmed movie.

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

KLEPPER: Yeah. I...

EISENBERG: Do you want to hear Cher? Do you want to hear Cher?

KLEPPER: Oh, I got - whenever I can hear Cher, get me some Cher.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "MOONSTRUCK")

CHER: (As Loretta) Snap out of it.

EISENBERG: There you go.

KLEPPER: Now I want a blues riff with everything. I'm a little disappointed.

COULTON: (Vocalizing, imitating guitar).

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: All right, Jenny, this one's for you.

HAGEL: OK.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "CAPTAIN PHILLIPS")

BARKHAD ABDI: (As Abduwali Muse) Hey. Look at me.

TOM HANKS: (As Captain Phillips) Sure.

ABDI: (As Abduwali Muse) Look at me.

HANKS: (As Captain Phillips) Sure.

HAGEL: I'm the captain now.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) Yes. That is correct.

COULTON: Yeah.

HAGEL: Yeah. There we go. We got one.

COULTON: (Vocalizing, imitating guitar).

EISENBERG: That's right, "Captain Phillips." Are you a fan? You a fan of that flick?

HAGEL: I that was an incredible performance and maybe the most fun movie quote to say over and over again to yourself.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Just under your breath as you're walking around.

HAGEL: Look at me. Look at me.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: All right, this is the last clue. And, Jordan, it's for you.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "THE WIZARD OF OZ")

MARGARET HAMILTON: (As the Wicked Witch of the West) Very well. I'll bide my time. And as for you, my fine lady, it's true. I can't attend to you hear and now as I'd like. But just try to stay out of my way. Just try.

KLEPPER: Something, my pretty-ish (ph).

COULTON: Yes. Yes-ish (ph).

KLEPPER: Pretty - my pretty "Wizard Of Oz."

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: You'll find out who the wizard is, and he's of Oz - something like that. It's - yeah, she says I'll get you, my pretty.

KLEPPER: I'll get you, my pretty. Yes.

COULTON: And...

HAGEL: Who else, Jordan? And who else?

COULTON: Who else is she going to get?

KLEPPER: I'll get you, my pretty. And does she - and your furry little friend? Is that it? No.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEPPER: Is that a thing? Honestly, life is just like parodies of that. I'm like...

COULTON: I know. It's very close. And your little dog, too.

KLEPPER: And your little dog, too.

COULTON: And your little dog, too.

EISENBERG: Yup. That's right. I like...

KLEPPER: That's...

EISENBERG: ...Furry little friend, though. It's cuter.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: You guys did incredible. Great game. Good job.

KLEPPER: Thank you.

EISENBERG: Aces. After the break, we're going to play another game with comedy writers Jenny Hagel and Jordan Klepper. And later, I'll pull out my pocket watch for a chat with actor Hong Chau from HBO's "Watchmen." I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and this is ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.