Nancy Iskander is sitting at her dining table scrolling through the pictures and videos on her phone. She stops on one showing two of her sons, Mark and Jacob.
Her eyes fill with tears. Mark and Jacob were killed in September 2020, as they crossed on a marked crosswalk, close to their family home. They were 11 and 8-years-old respectively. The driver of the vehicle that killed them, socialite Rebecca Grossman, is facing murder charges, with the trial set for January next year.
Iskander says it's a situation that many - unless they've lost a child - couldn't imagine being in her shoes.
"It's very hard to understand, how would you even come close to imagining," she said.
But she says that by telling her story, and sharing her grief, she hopes that people will also see the "hope that we have in seeing them again, and that I'm still on my feet."
For many, Iskander is an inspiration of strength and courage in the face of grief. She set up a foundation in Mark and Jacob’s name, and now, is launching a local foster agency and she says it’s a legacy they’d be proud of.
"They left and they have to leave the world better than what they came in. Everyone has an impact and everyone leaves a mark and their mark is very positive and we've always wanted to help children," said Iskander.
She said she wants to help, "scared, confused" children in a foster situation, "this would be the best thing that Mark and Jacob could leave behind them."
She says she asks herself all the time what Mark and Jacob would make of her carrying on the boys' legacy with the Foster Family Agency, in Westlake Village and Thousand Oaks, in partnership with the Good Shephard Foster Family Agency.
"They had such high expectations of themselves. Mark wanted to be a neurosurgeon. Jacob was the competitor. So I always wonder if they're proud of me...I'm trying, I'm trying my best," Iskander said.
"It's a purpose, the loss of a loved one is a purpose not something to sit in the corner and cry about. It's a mission," she said.
As she sits in front of a giant picture of the two boys, Iskander knows nothing can fill the space they filled in their family – and in her heart – and she says her son Zachary has never had the same smile since he saw his two older brothers killed.
"Zachary insists on wearing only their clothes, whatever fits him, he'll wear. It's his way of staying connected, and it's been part of them with us where ever we go," she said.
Iskander says instead of leaving the boys' rooms untouched, she's turned them into a place they can have "the most fun," with her two youngest children, Zachary and Violet.
"If we play a game, we do it in Mark's room. We continue to cherish our memories this way."
More details on the foster agency are available here, including fundraising and sponsorship opportunities.